After some other plugin hosts recently suggested that they are really easy to use and implied that GP is much more difficult and complicated, we realized that we had a great opportunity for a new product and that being difficult to use would in fact be a great new feature. So to better compete, we will be releasing a great new version of Gig Performer that we call GPI (Gig Performer Impossible) where we will make it as difficult as possible for customers to use, starting by adding puzzles they will need to solve before they can play any music.
For example, if you want to have a piano sound in your rackspace, before you waste three seconds using the old version of GP to just simply drag in a favorite consisting of a piano, EQ and reverb already connected together and ready to play, GPI will first prompt you with a dialog where you will have to answer questions about the history of the grand piano.
For example, in what century was the grand piano invented? Who invented it and why did it need 88 notes.
Want to insert a Hammond organ complete with effects ready to play? No problem, but before you waste 2 more seconds to accomplish that task with the current version of Gig Performer, with the new GPI version you will first need to respond to a dialog asking you (a) what was Hammondâs first name and (b) write an essay explaining why Hammond hated the Leslie Speaker and (c) explain why it does not have 88 notes!
Before you spend a minute or two configuring a Minimoog plugin to play Lucky Man, you will be prompted to explain the origins of subtractive synthesis and why FM synthesis is much more difficult to use. Then you will be forced to try granular!
Should you pass these challenges, Gig Performer Impossible will up the ante by asking you to draw pictures of your favorite musicians. If theyâre not perfect, GP will refuse to work for 3 minutes, that being the length of a typical pop song that only has 3 chords in it.
If you are finding these challenges too easy (and GPI will be timing how long it takes you to respond), the new âIâ system integrated into Gig Performer Impossible will decide that since youâre such an expert, it should try to make things even harder for you.
It will do this by occasionally adding extra notes as you play and will occasionally block middle C deciding that that note has been used far too often and musicians need to stop using it. Try playing all your songs in F# instead.
In fact, ultimately, GPI will eventually prevent you from playing anything in the key of C Major (and of course A Minor) and ultimately you will only be allowed to use the black notes except for B#.
Note that these dialogs will not show up while you are creating your songs or rehearsing. They will only show up while you are actually on stage performing. Instead of our current tag line, âOwn The Stageâ (R), our new tag line will be âGPI Knowsâ â˘
GPI version 04.01 will be released as soon as we can find somebody who knows all the answers!
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